I'm Baaaack!

I went to dinner with my awesome girlfriends last week. My friend Janet is semi retiring after a year long battle with some health issues and hell, why not? My other friend Christine says "you are a fucking riot, you should blog". Oh yeah, I have a blog and it's inactive, so wtf, start it up again.

Because I am so f'n pissed at NGFX that I can't be rational. So where else, right?

For those of you new to the program - my ex told me he wanted a divorce - one week after I popped the Kid out. Yep, we'd been married 10 years and he had his midlife crisis right on schedule. Nice that we had a business a house, a life that I thought was pretty good. Yeah, did he suck in the sack - absolutely....but my life was pretty good.

Anyhoo - moved on and up and married a great guy and the Kid is now 9. And NGFX is now feeling - because HE moved an hour away - that he is less than "involved". So I think I will start calling him at all hours when she does the most mundane of things, just to see how involved he really wants to get. He goes through these cycles - when his business is off, when his "trophy wife" is being a twat - he decides to take it out on me. And when my daughter asked me tonight "why did he marry you in the first place, Papa should be my real father" - I ask myself the same question.

Fuck you, asshole. You left, you moved away - just keep sending the checks on time.

Betrayal of trust

In my small community we have a regional middle school and high school which serves four local towns. In the middle school this week, a veteran teacher was indicted on 10 counts of child pornography. Video was found on his home computer of little girls, as well as pictures. The investigation had been ongoing for more than a year, while the teacher was allowed to continue working in the school with 6,7, and 8th grade girls and boys. Apparently he had no idea he was being investigated until they showed up on his doorstep with a warrant.

As I think about this issue and try to look beyond my disgust for this person and his behavior, I think about the kids - past and present - he taught and coached. Many many students, former and current, posted on line on the news articles about what a great guy he is - a mentor, a great teacher, an awesome coach - and that they won't ever believe this of him. This teacher/coach had a great positive impact on many students throughout the years.

As I read the posts, it was interesting to see how opposite the postings from adults were - almost 100% negative - very little talk about innocence until proven guilty. I guess once the feds catch you with kiddie porn, the jig is pretty much up. Fortunately (?) his victims were not members of the student population.

But I thought about my nieces and their friends who are in this middle school and other kids I know and these kids who posted - their trust has been completely shattered by this guy. They looked up to him, they trusted him, they went to him with their problems. And for the most part right now they are all defending him. But once the reality sinks in, how does this experience color their futures and how does it not jade them and how does it impede them from trusting another teacher, another coach, another "great guy"?

Besides the obvious depravity of this person's actions, he obviously never even considered what would happen to him, his family - they are far reaching throughout this community and neighboring ones as well - and to his students. It's quite a shame that this person - a pillar of the community, a well liked teacher and coach, a family man (!) has broken the hearts and spirits of those who looked up to him.

I'm a bad liar? WTF?

So the kid has been fibbing...nothing major but easily caught out little white lies. Of course dipshit is in a huff over it, but I know it's a stage and she is SO bad at it. But damn if she did not look me straight in the eye and lie to my face. Which brings back memories of how I used to do the same thing to my parents. And my mother told me this morning that I was a shitty liar! WHAT? I was a great liar....all those times we said we were going to the movies and we drove around the beach all night looking for boys. All the times I said "no I didn't smoke, it was Dana"....c'mon. No way she caught onto that. All the times I said I was sleeping over Nancy's house and we ended up God knows where at a party - (except for that time with the guy with one hand, but that's another story)....she never guessed. She was always asleep when I got home...

Mothers always know...dammit.

Twilight.....

My friend Colleen bought the Twilight series of books when she was going in for her operation so she'd have something to read during recovery - and my niece has read them so what the hell - I'll start the series. And there's hoopla over it - I mean, I see the teenage girls losing their shit over it and all...that's fine. And I started the first book this morning and it seems an easy read and pretty good. And another girl (read: 35 y.o. woman) at my office is obsessed with this fictional vampire, so how bad can it be?

So the kid says to me this morning - "Mary saw that movie". Mary is in second grade. Mary should not be watching movies with vampires, IMHO. I know that the kid never will be.

WTF is wrong with people? I have another friend who took her 7 yo to see Harry Potter - the 4th one, where people DIE. And she wonders why Sara didn't sleep for a week. Stop trying to be friends with your kids, people. You are their mothers, forchrissake.

The Little Sleep

I just finished a "can't put down" book by Paul Tremblay called The Little Sleep. Set in Southie, it's a detective story. Reminiscent of Raymond Chandler, with a little Robert Parker thrown in and a great setting, it's a book you can read in one sitting. Hope Tremblay comes out with another installment in the series...soon!

Boy Do I Hate This Place....

I am the powerpoint princess of my office - basically noone else can handle this arduous task, particularly once per month when we have to go bow and scrape before the investors to let them know where their money is going. Believe me, it's not going in my pockets or any of the pockets of the peeps I work with. So here we go, "you have to use your accrued PTO, one day per pay period", cost cutting (again) and maybe a restructure.

Ok, we all get that's it's shitty out there and that sacrifices have to be made, noone disputes that. HOWEVER...when you are laying OFF salesguys and then hiring NEW salesguys to take their place at increased costs, that is not saving money. When you contract with outside vendors to bring in leads so that your $100+K Salesguys have something to do, that is not saving money. When you beat on a vendor for a price for a website and then you contract some POOF from LA with the cool glasses and the project is STILL not done because he wants more money, that is not saving money. How can you ask ME to take my PTO as a cost cutting measure and then show me a spreadsheet with a $125K salary for a NEW SALES GUY...and you expect me to not react??

With all the shit flying around, when will people stop cutting the $10, $12 hourly worker who comes in on the weekends, puts in the OT and gets the job done and start sacking the slackers?? I'm so fucking tired of this CEO - and let me tell you , he knows only how to spend money - new laptop, new crackberry - esp when people who are actually producing the work are using 5 year old laptops - fly here and there...expensive dinner and wine on the company's tab with NO NEW BUSINESS TO SHOW FOR IT IN OVER 2 YEARS YOU F'N ASSHOLE. He's done nothing except increase the debt for this place and I for one, am extremely tired of it.

The BOREDOM....

Oh.My.God...I'm ready to just pack it up, I swear. I am so bored out of my skull at work that I am seriously thinking about just leaving and seeing if anyone will notice. I am not a person who can sit and do nothing for hours at a time, it pains me greatly. I've asked everyone for work, I've caught up on my filing, updated my process documents (in case I get laid off!), prepared for a Monday meeting and checked every blog, weather site and financial advice column I can find. I just don't know what else to do....obviously I'm thankful they are paying me to sit here and look good, whatever, but I'm losing my shit....singing along to iTunes - and fantasizing about warm weather vacations. I've been looking for a new job for months but noone's come knocking at my door (yet). I can't even go outside and walk around because we got a foot of snow on Monday and most of it is still on the road.

This is literally painful. Well, only 5.5 hours until American Idol Wildcard show!